Guido's Christmas Eve
Posted: Friday, December 10, 2010
by Harlan Foster
Very Good Company
T’was the night b’foh Christmas an’ me n’ da boys
Was out cruising Chicago makin’ some noise.
Uh, stockin’s was hung by d’fire washed n’ clean
Cuz d’ol’lady din’ have no dryin' machine.
Some o’d' boys had been put in jail
So me n’d fambly was out skimmin’ f’bail.
An’ d’old lady grabs her AK47.
Tinkin’ d’cops had took t’d aieh,
We rushed back to d’hideout wit very great ceh.
By d’windows we stood, each man wid a gun,
Decidin’ t’eiduh fight or t’run.
D’moon on d’new fallen snow glimmerd bright
N’reminded myself of a prison yard light.
Den’ agin from d’sky comes dis light widda flash
An’ we tinks d’cops tru d’roofs gonna crash.
Now what should we see in all we could hear
But a fat guy in a sled, pulled by strange lookin’ deer.
He yelled at dem deahs as dey sped tru d’air
Callin’ em names dat was so strange t’heah.
“On Nasty n’ Crusty n’ Johnson an’ Nixon;
Go Dunduh, n’ Blunduh n’ Fathead n’ Trixon.
Dem deahs din’ mind all d’names dat he cauld
Dey jus ripped tru d’sky like an express thunduhball.
Was d’strangest sight me tinks I had seen
In all d’strange places I had evuh been.
I tot it was some kinda oddball trick
When d’ol lady whispuhs, “Hey Guido, it’s St. Nick.”
From d’place where we stood we cou’n’t sees where deys went
But I hoid some weird sounds from d’air condition vent.
I tot I was tricked t’believin’ in magic
Cuz d’noise on d’roof sounded like rush-hour traffic.
Den d’next ting I heahs dat makes my heart stop
Is d’fat guy is layin’ in d’fireplace, plop!
He laffs n’e picks hisself up from d’ashes
He don’t mind d’dust on ‘is clothes n’ d’ charcoal splashes.
He had a red round face a big fat belly
N’ d’ stuff on his boots was bad awful smelly.
But dats wutcha gits f’not walkin aloof’
Wut dem strange-lookin deahs had left on d’roof.
Deh was a green tree standin’ in d’front room
Dat we was gonna use t’clean like a broom
All of us tried t’stay hid outta sights
While the fat man in red lit d’green tree in lights.
Deh was white lights n’blue lights, n’red, n’green
It was sumptin’ I toaut dat I had nevuh, evuh seen
D’whole ting looked like sumptin’ I knew
When I was a kid, long b’foh I grew.
He carried a red bag dat looked fulla stash
Like a bum who keeps stuff he gits from d’trash.
Hummin’ t’hisself, he took stuff from d’bag
N’ put it unduh d’green tree, like some kinda gag.
Agin the d’ol lady tells me sumpin’ ‘bout dis guy
Dat kids gits so happy wid him, dat dey cry.
“Cry about wut?” I asked in a voice very small.
‘Bout d’gifts n’ d’presents he leaves f’dem all.
Finished ‘is woik, he tied up ‘is sack
N’stood next t’d’ fiuhplace wheh we saw just ‘is back.
‘E stuck ‘is finguh up in ‘is nose
N’we taut ‘e was pickin but den up ‘e rose.
Up d’chimbly ‘e went an we den hoid ‘im hollah
An we taut ‘e was callin’ d’cops on us robbuhs.
But we hoid ‘im yell as dey flew outta sight,
“Happy Christmas to aul n’ to aul a good night.”
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)This is so original and just utterly adorable! Happy Christmas to you too!
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