Onus--The Monkey On My Back
Posted: Monday, February 01, 2010
by Harlan Foster
Very Good Company
I suppose there comes a time in the life of every living human being when they face themselves in the mirror and ask, "Who are you?" Now, maybe I'm being facetious or completely naive when I think that everyone will take this step in the development of life. Just because I did it doesn't necessarily mean that everyone is interested in the image staring back from the looking glass. The general consensus of opinion is that whoever it is looking back from the glass is not and does not have to be the same image that is cast in public when I (or whoever it is) walk out the door. The public doesn't know about me what I know about me. But the fact is, I can hide what I know about me from just about everyone else. For me, I just stick my proverbial head in the sand and pretend that everything is hunky-dory. Isn't that the way we survive?
You've all seen and heard the titles that read and say, "You Are What You " (take your choice:) eat, keep, say, think, see, ad infinitum. If you want to believe that, then it's true. And it really is. But it goes much deeper than what you eat, see, think and so on. "You Are What You Are Because That's Who You Are." The only thing we as humans can do after that is to modify what we do. We can't change what we are, just the way we do whatever we do. We all have the ability to look into the eye of our relatives, friends and neighbors to see the little tiny splinter they have blocking their vision. But as the Bible says, we don't see the log in our own eye blocking our own vision. A slightly different way of looking at this principle is we have the answers, resolutions and cures for the ills of the rest of the world, but what about ME? Why can't I cure, heal, resolve and answer for myself?
We all, and I mean all of us, carry some kind of onus (a load, extra baggage) on our backs. It usually (and generally) comes in two forms and can be applied to most everything else. Guilt and regret. It's the "I could kick myself for not" syndrome. Or the "I wish I hadn't..." other syndrome. Oh, there may be more reasons and I'm sure that some of you out there know a lot more than I know about the monkey on my back. And believe me, I would never lay claim to all there is to know about the subject of human behavior. I'm just a man who has lived in the shadows most of his life and is now walking in the light. It was a change I wanted to make.
I lost count a long time ago but there must be at least a gazillion self-help books on the market that will help you learn to be someone else, or yourself in different clothing, if you read the book and follow the directions. There's Dr. Phil who shows up on Oprah now and then; there's Zig Ziglar and another long list of motivational speakers who offer you opportunities to discover what you want in life and the ways to get whatever it is. I read so many of them and I stayed the same lump on the log I always was. Why? How come I didn't change? Go back to the light bulb; I really didn't wanna change. That's why I stayed the same. Being who I was, failure though it be, I was comfortable. My comfort zone; sure it was chaos and it was a nasty place to live but it was comfortable. I was used to it. I was familiar with it. It was "h-o-m-e." I could see what was on the other side of where I was but I simply wasn't willing to go out and get it.
Am I still the same? One day I saw the image looking back at me from the looking glass and in the glimmer of light around my eyes, I saw that I could make a difference in my own life; I didn't need anyone to walk me through the twelve steps that would set me free from the onus weighing me down and keeping me bent over when I wanted to walk upright. I saw that I could accomplish that myself. God has given me talents and skills and abilities that I never used. When I realized some of those skills could be applied to everyday life, my life, and what the results might be, what I could accomplish and what I could do, I got hungry for what lay beyond my little world of self-induced shambles and I started to "taste" another way of life. Oh yes, there are many ways of life that anyone can live. The one I wanted was a life packed with excitement, challenge, risk, daring, learning, experiencing a walk through the dark, not knowing where my feet would land, having to exercise my faith in God and in myself. The kind of life that gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and left me tired, happy, contented and satisfied at night.
The image looking back at me from the mirror, these days, winks and silently expresses "Good onya' Mate. Good job. Stay on track. Keep on truckin' (and more)." Not all of us want to change. Not all of us need to change. And we don't change unless we have the need to change. Am I any different than I was before in my little world of chaos? No. I'm still me. But I feel different; I act different; I behave differently; and when I look in the mirror I'm happy with the image looking back. And my little world of chaos has grown immensely and I must confess it is not so chaotic any more. The onus? I walk uprightly, these days. Ergo, I must assume the extra baggage is not on my shoulders. It could be in the closet or out back. Or maybe I'm a lot stronger and despite the onus, I can walk upright. I'm proud of my accomplishments. I'm happy with what I do. I'm still learning, still struggling and will for the rest of my life. But I'm happy doing it. You can be, too. Try it; you'll like it!
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Hi Harlan, it sounds as if you are beginning to search. Don't come to any quick, rash conclusions, just continue looking inward at the "I" thought (the one that seems to talk back at you in the mirror). This looking inward is called alertness. Remembering to look inward is called mindfulness, seeing through the fiction of "I am" is called insight. Insight into reality is developed by calming and opening the mind. The quickest and surest way to do this so that the fiction of the "I" thought doesn't interfere is correct meditation.
Best.............e
Enlightenment can not be achieved by self-help books or psychiatrists; if it doesn't come from within you, it isn't enlightenment.I wish you less angst and 'Onus': Paul
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